I almost didn’t marry my husband. I knew I loved him and I knew I wanted to be with him, but I almost said no. It was a second marriage for both of us and he wanted to have a child together. At the time, I had two grown kids and wasn’t sure I wanted to start a family again.
I wrestled with this decision, questioning if I was “too old to start a new family” and whether I should give him the opportunity to find someone else who did want a child right now.
17 years later, our daughter is the greatest joy in our lives.
Not a day goes by when I am not reminded that sometimes the greatest fears and hardest decisions turn out to be our greatest joys.
Now, I can’t look back without thinking ‘what if I missed out on that?’ because I was fearful. I can’t imagine the wonderful experiences I would not have had if I simply listened to that fear and said ‘no.’
When we tend to look at life decisions, it’s not uncommon to only play out the negative thoughts about how it would impact our lives. We think about the things we wouldn’t be able to do instead of playing out the scenarios of what would be amazing about it, too.
We ponder over how “starting from scratch” with a new career might not be a good decision or how moving to a different state would mean leaving family and friends behind. We get stuck in the fear of change because we choose to look at what might go wrong instead of what might go right.
But one thing I’ve learned in my life is that the things I am often most afraid of end up being the very things that bring with them great opportunities and experiences.
The very thing that you feared might end up being the happiest, most fulfilling parts of your life.
When I share that my daughter is 20 years younger than her older siblings, the first comment people often have is “Oops.” I can honestly say my response is always, “No. As a matter of fact, that was quite intentional.” It was a carefully considered choice that I made along with my husband, and one that we celebrate every day.
When making decisions, always make a point of looking at both sides of the equation; things might be challenging, but they also might allow you to thrive.
Closing a business might be a scary thought, but when you also consider that, if it is no longer serving you or the community, it’s okay to make that choice. Would making that decision also give you more time and less stress? If so, you have to weigh that in the decision. It might be a difficult choice, but it might also be a good one that allows you to do other things keeping the business open would not have allowed.
In customer service, I see people fearing that stepping in too much is going to be seen as pushy and will push customers away. But, those same people lose opportunities because of that fear to help a customer with their decisions and questions. The irony is that they are creating the negative outcome (customers are pushed away) by doing what they are already doing; it’s not the fear that’s doing that.
Moving from fear to intention creates opportunities for bringing truly joyful things into your life. The next time you are in the midst of making a decision and find yourself listing all the things that could go wrong, encourage yourself to see what could go right, as well.
Create a habit of starting with considering the joy your decision might bring you, then consider the challenges. If you start with the positives, it will help to put any negatives into perspective and you will be able to see the big picture more easily.
Winnie the Pooh author A.A. Milne demonstrated it best:
“Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?”
“Supposing it didn’t,” said Pooh after careful thought.
Piglet was comforted by this.