Have you ever walked into a room and immediately either felt pulled towards or pushed away from someone?
Of course, you have - you’re human.
Humans tend to size each other up pretty quickly. Research tells us that first impressions are made within seven seconds. Seven seconds! Within moments of meeting someone for the first time, your brain pulls together dozens of thoughts to create a sense of whether you like this person or not, whether you trust them or not, and whether you believe they are credible or not.
Some of these things are subconscious, such as posture, subtle facial expressions, vocal tone and sometimes their choice of clothing or the fact that they remind you of a friend or, unfortunately for them, an ex.
While those things are out of your control (until perhaps they get to know you more), controlling what you can control with your presence can give you a better chance to make people feel more comfortable with you.
One of the things that tends to be ‘felt’ pretty quickly is whether a person is being themselves or ‘playing a role.’ While we all adjust our presence at times, most of us don’t cross the line of acting like someone we’re not.
As a matter of fact, something I have noticed in recent years is a push to be your “more authentic” self. In other words, to simply show up as yourself, no matter what the situation or who is in the room.
In theory, this idea is wonderful! After all, every one of us has worked with ‘fake’ people at some point; people who are willing to compromise who they really are for the opportunity to rise up in the ranks or make their decisions and choices depending on what they think they “should” do to be seen a certain way in the moment. No judgement here, just an observation. The idea of walking into a room and knowing exactly what you are getting from people, without any concern for second guessing their motives, is refreshing.
However, when you only show-up as you, and give no thought as to how you’re coming across, you may be losing opportunities or unintentionally pushing people away. You could have life-changing information that you’re giving away, but if people have disconnected from you, it doesn’t help them or your credibility.
I am not advocating not being you, but there is a middle ground between ‘authenticity’ and ‘professionalism’ that cannot be confused.
Authenticity is about self-awareness; professionalism is about respect.
Here’s why that distinction is important. No matter what you do, your face is your brand. YOU are the reason people want to work with you, hire you, and collaborate with you. If you disrespect your audience by confusing authenticity with professionalism, you risk them disconnecting from you.
It’s not just about how other people see you; every interaction you have is an opportunity to elevate your personal brand!
How you present yourself and how you communicate says a lot about who you are. Whether you’re on a Zoom call or talking face to face, if you don’t respect yourself, you will not be respected by others.
What does that mean?
Joining a business meeting while wearing a t-shirt while everyone else is in business casual is an example of this. With much of the business world working from home in recent times, I’ve noticed more people hopping onto calls in this way. Now, you might be a t-shirt kind of person or maybe you just finished a quick workout right before jumping on the call. That’s all well and good. However, if you don’t take a moment to shift back into work mode with your clothing (even if it’s just from the waist up!), you could be sending a message that tells the others you don’t really care or you’re taking this more casually than they are.
The opposite is also true. If you come into the meeting wearing a sport coat and tie, and everyone else is casual, you may instantly create a feeling that tells the others you’re not with them or you’re out of touch. You may be someone who just loves to wear sport coats and ties. That’s all well and good. However, taking a moment to respect where others are can instantly help them to gravitate towards you.
Another example is the language you use. You may speak a certain way in your regular life that is not appropriate for a business setting. Words are powerful tools and they can turn your listeners on or turn them off. You need to know that your words can lose you business. Using vulgar language or profanities might be normal for you in your personal life with your close friends, but it can be extremely offensive for your followers or listeners. This can cause people to not want to do business with you, no matter how valuable what you have to say is...and word gets around. Effective communicators make intentional choices with their language so they are engaging, easy to listen to, and appropriate for the situation.
One more area of your life that can seep into your business life are your posts on social media. If you think that people don’t Google you before they work with you or hire you, you are mistaken. Bosses, potential clients, and current clients can find the “real you” with the click of a button! Understand that everything you put out there is a reflection of you, your abilities, your work ethic and your credibility. If you’re not mindful of what you’re posting, you may be self-sabotaging yourself.
When you communicate, it’s not all about you; it’s about the people listening to you, too. If they are comfortable with you or believe that you are trustworthy and real, there is a better chance that they are going to listen. What that means is that there is opportunity in every interaction you have to help people gravitate towards you.
This is not about changing who you are or “fitting in.” This is about knowing exactly who you are, and choosing to make some small and intentional decisions to make others feel comfortable in your presence, whether online or in person.
Take some time to up your self-awareness game. A great way to do this is to record yourself and watch it. I know that’s difficult for a lot of people, but just do it. It’s a great way for you to quickly know what other people see and hear. Don’t get too caught up in being highly critical of yourself! The goal here is to look for things that, if you were watching and listening to you, would turn you off or cause you to disconnect.
Once you have that self-awareness, you are in a powerful place to make some shifts and change it. You don’t have to move mountains, but you may need to sit back a little so you’re not all slumped over, look at the camera more so it looks like you are making eye contact, or pull your face back so we’re not all looking up your nose...and please stop playing with your hair!
Finding the balance for you between self-awareness and professionalism will increase your chances for positive interactions by showing respect for both yourself and others.
A great resource to learn more about this topic can be found in Nita Patel’s new book, Boss Vibes: Self-Esteem, Success, and the Art of Etiquette. Nita was also a recent guest on my podcast, Work From Your Happy Place. Listen to the episode HERE.